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April 8th, 2006
12:52 pm
I'm a mess. I need to re-evaluate my life.
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March 29th, 2006
09:09 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I can predit the future. Sweet.
I am so excited to move to school. Me and my roommate have so much in common. We already have OC Thursdays and a Red Sox wall.
I am also doing Rugby at school. HAHAHA. I will have black eyes and broken bones.
I am really happy right now. Loving my life. I love keeping busy. And being drunk. lol.
A little bit more drama than usual but I think you can't avoid that shit.
And I love the fact that you can't handle it. Hehe. Upper hand, upper hand.
I am so happy I'm talking to everyone again and not isolating myself. Leaving the past behind. New life. We only live once right? I have made so many new friends in just the last few weeks. School will be so much fun.
And I think my drugs makes me more outgoing cuz I ramble more in front of people I don't know. Lol. Maybe it is the lack of sex and it makes me more perverted by the day. lol.
Oh on Friday I got offered moeny to make out, flash, or devirginize this kid.
Instead, I drew a penis on his face while he was passed out. Hahaha.
Call me and make plans bitches.
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March 23rd, 2006
08:08 pm - whatever
I can't wait to live at school.
Honestly I am completely sick of Westfield.
And 99.9% of the people in it.
I also figured out one of my problems.
I think I give people too much attention.
And they don't give as much back.
Then I get sad.
And feel lonely.
Or they like something or some people better then me.
And I get sad again.
The drugs were working, but I don't think so much anymore.
I want it to be tomorrow night so I can get drunk at WNEC.
Oh new home, I can't wait.
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March 6th, 2006
10:37 pm
So I told my mom I have decided to live on campus next semester. She is freaking out. She has been crying since the minute I told her. Supposedly my dad came down stairs and asked my mom what was wrong where he continued to say 20 times i'll leave. it is because of me. ahhh....no. How bout I want to get the hell out of this house period. I also, I don't know, want to grow up. I know its hard, but come on. When did she expect me to move out? Then my mom tried the guilt trip. Well I guess ur brother will be okay... I am not his mother! Why do I need to take care of him. When I told him I was moving he started taking measurements of my room. And it is not till September!!!!!
So Tara wants me to move in with her but she is going to Australia for the first semester and the whole point of me moving there is to meet new people. So I don't know. Tiffany also wants me to move in with her. Hmm....
I also was told today that a far distant cousin is willing to get my an internship in the FBI building in Washington D.C. for the summer where I can stay with him and his wife. I don't think I am going to do it. They are like 50, and I don't want to be stuck in Washington all summer. But it is such a great opportunity.
Oh well. Time to avoid the ice queen.
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February 16th, 2006
01:03 pm
It has been a long week and it is not even over!!
My doctor finally put me on anxiety and depression medicine. It is about fucking time I say. I have been flipping out lately. Either bursting out in tears or wixked pissed off. Sunday i went into hysterics at work and Nina was forced to listen to me through my mutters between breaths. They gave me xanax to come me down when that shit happens. I look like a fucking zombie. But it is really helping.
My dad just realized that i was depressed after like 5 months of me crying every day and that me and tony we broken up after 3 months. His response- well since you have no one to go with to the movies, can i have my passes back? Im pretty positive he felt bad after my reaction.
I got my hair did on Tuesday. She didn't do what I wanted but I still like it. Its really short for me now. It is like the shortest I have had it since 8th grade. But I think I look older.
I asked my brother to be my valentine. And when I did, I found out that he already had a valentine. It was so cute. I love when he blushes. I don't know if it is his girlfriend but in his profile he has Billy....<3 Ahhhh. I want to pinch his cheeks.
I told Tony the story and he said he would be my valentine. Oh geez thanks a bunch.
SO yesturday my car started making noises. My dad took it around the block and when i got back into after him the nosie was horrible. I went down to the gas station to vaccumm my car cuz it was such a nice day. Of course, Melina is there, he sister pulls up, and then my boss. So i am trying to stay in my car as long as i can so I don't have to get yelled at but I failed. My boss points her fucking fat ass finger at me and then does that thing with her finger like come here where you curl it. Ugg. So I go over and shes like "you need to turn on the fan everynight. You will ruin this booth. Blah Blah Blah." It was the one fucking night I forgot. WHy did I forget? oh yah, I was flippinf out. So i tell her I have been going through a lot lately and I just got medicine and her reply was "well I lost my prescription" What the fuck does that have to do with me? Thanks for the sympathy bitch. I wonder why I hate people. So I'm leaving and they start making comments about the noise my car is making. Where Melinda preceeds to go "not to be rude, but you need a lighter shade of concealer." I wasn't wearing any makeup! So shes like, "oh, well you look orange." Thank you.
So this morning my bitch boss calls me at 630. I ignored it cuz who the fuck calls people that early. Then she calls me again at 730. I ignored it again. So I went and took a shower. The bitch sees my mom driving down the street so she calls my house. And then my cell phone two more times. SO I called her back and shes like can you come in today, Melinda called out, they took away her kids. Well I was suppose to watch Sam so I'm like no. And she proceeds to tell me how Jeff can't come until 4 and she had rehab therapy at 3. WHy do I care? I told I can't. So then she got mad. Ahhh....is it my fault you have a business with only 4 employees? Maybe you should re-evaluate this shit. Plus you are the boss and are suppose to stay. She has no problem telling me or Jeff that we need to come in early are stay late. SO fuck you bitch. Karma sucks.
I just got home and my mom left a note that she cut her hand and is at the hospital. I hope she is okay.
And it is going to cost me 45 dollars for my car. not bad, but not good.
I have a lot to do today. Call me if you want.
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February 6th, 2006
09:52 pm
I have fungus. On my back.
Normally, I would probably say "oh poor me what else can go wrong"
However, the fact that I have fungus is funny to me.
And I enjoy saying things like "oh you have cancer, well I have fungus"
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February 2nd, 2006
09:08 pm
I'm done. I am going to hibernate in my room and never come out.
Well, tomorrow I am going to WNEC to get drunk, but after that.
I am going to get my cell phone shut off. And I am going to throw my computer out the window. And I am going to burn all my pictures and I think I won't watch television either.
That way, I will never get hurt. Cuz there will be nothing to hurt me. And I can stop crying.
Yah, that's my new plan.
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February 1st, 2006
04:11 pm
So my counsler basically informed me that my life sucks and that I will probably be screwed up for the rest of my life. Not only that, but that I should stop talking to everyone (which means the total of 2 people I talk to now) and claim independence from my family because I need to fix myself which I guess requires me to be more of a loser then I am already. Ahhh....
he also told me we need to send my father away which would lead to him being fired and us homeless and that i need to tell my mom to grow up.
oh. and that Tony is completely right and I showed follow in his lead.
And that my brother will probably be more fucked up then I am but I spend too much time caring about him and I need to spend more time caring about myself.
And I'm an idiot for not going to financial aid yet.
In conclusion, I have to stop caring about people, isolate myself, attempt to move out on no money, let my brother's life be ruined, oh, yah, and do something fun for myself everyday.
Sooooo, if you are upset because you don't have enough money for useless things u don't need or that you have no where to party, or that ur too fat, or blah blah blah just think. You could be me.
This counseling thing is REALLY working for me. Fucking a.
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January 31st, 2006
06:06 pm
As I am making a peanut butter sandwich-
"There is ham in the fridge."
"It is a peanut butter sandwich"
"I don't mean daisy ham."
"I know"
"There is bologna too if your interested."
"It is a peanut butter sandwich."
"Yah....but there is ham in the fridge"
"IIIIIII KNOOOOOWWWWW. I don't want it."
That is a one minute conversation with my grandmother. Would you like to live here?
And that is the only minute I was down there. Lovely. Who wants to get drunk with me?
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January 20th, 2006
08:41 pm
Oh an another thing. Last Friday wehn I spilt the taco all over me and can't remember shit about it, I found my purse the next morning covered in taco. So I washed my purse and the grease stains would not come out. This is the purse that the niggers stole and I searched all over the internet for a new one and paid way too much for it. On tuesday I put on the jeans from that night, my favorite jeans, and they were also covered in grease stains. So my mom told me to put laundry detergent on the stains and leave them over night. Well the detergent soaked over to the metal on my purse which causes it to magically rust all over my purse over night and leave huge stains on my purse. When I washed my purse again, must of the grease stain came out but none of the rust stain! So my purse is ruin. There are still some grease stains on my pants but you can't notice them that bad. So I am putting away my clothes yesturday and I go to put away my black shirt and it is also covered in grease stains. So in one night I managed to loose 12 dollars which I don't know where it went, stain my clothing, and ruin my purse. Not cool.
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08:05 pm
So I am dying my hair soon. And I am so excited. I like the color I have now but I still have random highlight spots that I want gone cuz i cant put my hair half up without seeing them. Plus my hair is starting to dull. So I want to dye it before summer so when summer comes it can bring out my natural highlights and it will be a gorgeous blonde. Anyways, I am going to do bright blonde on the top. Not like bleach blonde but platinum blonde. Then underneath it i am either going to do a darker golden blonde or a light brown cuz its kinda an ugly dirty blonde right now. I am also going to get it cut probably to my shoulders and I want the lighter blonde to be a little shorter than the darker blonde so you can see both. Hopefully it turns out well but I can always dye it back or remove the dye whatever. I am def. getting it professional done though cuz I don't want to fuck it up. So I am trying to wait for my taxes to come back but I am very impatient. I got the idea from a hair style Sarah Jessica Parker had in Sex and the City. I couldn't find a great picture but it will kind of look like this. It should look hot hopefully.
On another note, I had to go to the dentist today. He decided at a previous appointment that he was going to get me a fake tooth for a molar that is still a baby tooth and will remain a baby tooth. I did not want this cuz you can't even see it. So He drills my tooth to a little stub and blood and flying everywhere. He puts the tooth on and hes like how is this. I feel it with my tounge and there is a huge hole in the back. So he tries to fit it again and there was still a hole. He preceeds to tell me that he has never done this before. Great. So my whole face is covered in blood and he walks away for a half hour to talk to a vistor!! So when he finally comes back, my face is cemented in dry blood and my novocaine has warn off. So he preceeds to attempt to finish my tooth and shoves cement in my mouth. So I couldn't feel my tooth cuz there was cement all in it. He then has to have everyone come in and look at my tooth cuz he did such a great job. So I get in my car after an hour and a half of being there and feel the back of my tooth with my tounge and there is still a gap! SO my mom told me that it will probably get infected and will form an absyss and I will have to get it pulled. The dentist told me it shouldn't hurt and it is fucking killing me. Fuck this guy. You can't even see the fucking tooth. It would of been cheaper to pull it and at least I would of got some drugs out of it. I am pissed.
And I final note, I think everyone I know and myself should go to Montreal for my birthday!!!!! It will be summer and beautiful and we can all get drunk!! Hahaha. Lets do it.
Now I will continue on having no life and sit home by myself. Good times.
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January 18th, 2006
07:52 pm
School is already kicking my ass. I do not enjoy the fact that I am up so early I am forced to watch music videos because that is the only thing on.
Dear Mariah Carey,
Please stop making music videos where you are wearing no clothes. What are u 50? I do not want to see you half naked. I am all set. You need to realize you are not 20 nemore the men ur age have jobs and don't sit at home watching your video. Do us all a favor and put on some clothes.
Dear Ashlee Simpson,
While watching ur love video, I wanted to flip you over and mob the floors.
Oh and p.s. NEVER wear tight ass sweat pants again. I do not need to see your camel toe.
Finally, Dear Pussy ass bitches,
No one wants to stick with you. Thats all.
I am so tired but I want to stay up for Project Runway. That show controls my life. Actually, time for a nap. Haha.
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January 12th, 2006
11:56 pm
I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL ON MONDAY!!!! you have noooo idea how happy I am. This has been a bad day but it just got a whole lot better. And if I'm suppose to work Monday, I am making up the most bullshit excuse why I refuse to spend my last 4 out of 5 days of vacation in that hell hole of constant thinking and old dirty men staring at me as they pump their gas.
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January 5th, 2006
02:34 am
Hahahaha. So predictible.
My life is a bad mood but I do smile when I predict people's behavior. ahahaha.
Now to predict the behavior of people that actually pertain to my life.
PS- Lets get fucked up. I think I am happier with a drink in my hand. HAHAHAHA.
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January 1st, 2006
10:43 pm - i dont know
So last night was interesting. Me and Tony went to Megs house after I got out work.
It was a little gathering with random people but it was still fun.
"Your last smoke before the firing squad and you lit it backwards"
"Hey Ryan don't tell Tiffany I'm in your room"-me
"I trust him with a naked angelina jolie."-tiffany
"i don't trust myself with a naked angelina jolie."-me
"Jim morrison on the front of the t-shirt, joe bear on the back"
"I need a pen. I'll just use this magnadoodal"
"I am giving you jems here. diamonds. make a neckalace, a braclette, a ring, hell make yourself an anklete. This is jems here. ----20 minutes later----what I am about to tell you is jems. say to yourself, I am Jimbo and I will grab you in the balls."
Then this morning in a drunken stooper....
"I wake up to you grining where you then spit in my eye"-tony
"what if I just walk out and slapped jaden across the face? then he'll call her mommy."
"oh i am so glad i dont have to work today (x20)"
"what the hell is that noise? why is the toy car moving by itself in the living room?"- tony
"Hahaha. what if it gets mad quite and then the truck just comes roaring through the wall?"- me
"you just punched me in the ovaries"
"anything to stop fertilization."
All & all it turned out better than I expected. i am wicked hungover though and i need to sleep for days. but I won't. Oh well. PRAYING for a better year. Hopefully this year I will get out of this fucking town. That would be nice.
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December 30th, 2005
09:50 pm
Wow. So me and Nina hit up Montreal this week. It was fucking crazy.
Once we got to Montreal, we trapped ourselves in our closet of a room. After taking 5 minutes to trash it, we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. I have never been to one so it was kind of cool. We quickly learned that the bar scene was a good 30 minute walk in the trenches of Montreal sidewalks and quickly decided on cabs for the rest of the trip.
So we stayed around the hotel for a while, watched some seinfeld and dances to Laffy Taffy, we got ready to go out.
We started out at Dundees. Once I convinced Nina that she was not suffering from TSS (hahahahahahahaahaha), the drinking began. After Dundees, we went to Sir Winston himself. There was no one there so we decided to wait it out. We encountered some Bostonians along with Garrett Jackson. HAHAHAHA. Not really, but his twin. He asked Nina "if you had one wish, what would it be.." The bar tender had to apologize for them. It was sad. After a few long island ice teas and shots, we decided to start dancing. Note no one on the dance floor. But we got the party started. Fast forward to Toronto James and The Wendell Experience. Hahaha. A few shots later I had to rescue Nina from getting molested.I lost my ticket after the women specifically told me not to loose my ticket for my coat but she gave it to me anyways cuz I was wearing a Led Zepplin shirt.
So we were followed on our way out so we started walking quickly. Cut to the dramatic fall. If I was holding a bag of groceries it would of been out of a movie. I slipped on the ice, flew in the air, and straight up ass-planted in front of everyone. All I heard was "Are you okay" and me yelling to Nina to book it for a cab. We then harressed the driver asking him why they don't shovel the sidewalks and if he likes hockey.
Once we got to the hotel we were fucking crazy. Nina drunk dialed Lyndsay and I'll just apologize once agian. Hahaha. I don't even know what we did. I juts know I passed the fuck out to the point where I didn't hear my phone, which I always hear when I am sleeping.
The next morning was awful. We could not move we were so sick. So we sat in bed taking about random things.
*Oh I forgot to tell you, I am possessed by a demon
*I think people were laughing at me because I tied my shirt around my waist
*Dear Nina, my stomach hurts, love Leanne
*We haven't eaten in 24 hours? Omg I am famished.
*You know he has a wife a kids
*Hes the experience
*I looked at the bar tender with the I don't know eyes
*My ass hurts so bad. It would have been a classic fall if I had a bag of groceries.
Later we went to the peel pub and hardly ate. Then we went back to the room and slept some more and watched random canadian shows. Then we went back to Dundees for a while but didn't stay out too late. All and all, it was a really good trip. I thought it would take my mind off things. It helped a little bit.
On a darker side, I think I have given up. I hate the fact that I love my school and hate everything else around me. The last month has been nothing but a struggle and everything just keeps getting worse. I just pray that with the turn of the new year everything will get better. But tomorrow night will probably be a train wreck and I will once again feel like a piece of shit. Ugg. I hate it here so much and I hate bitching. But I feel like it is the only thing I can do because nothing else makes me feel better. I just want to get my bills paid, get my own place, and once again, attempt to restart my life. Whatever. Maybe I'll just follow of the course of most people and put myself before everyone else. Because caring is just not working out.
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December 11th, 2005
12:29 am - miserable
I wish I went away to school. I let too many things hold me back and they have all proved to disapoint me. I hate my life here. I want to start over. And I am not going to be happy anytime soon because I am too busy thinking about other people instead of thinking about what is healthy for me. Sometimes I feel what is the point of helping people when chances are they won't do the same for you. Or that all the good things I have done and all the peopele I have tried to help doesn't matter. I just have a black cloud over my head and it is not going away. It just keeps getting darker.
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November 15th, 2005
07:40 pm - November blues
I want things to go back to junior and senior year. When everything was fun. And I didn't think about things. And everyone was friends and we did stupid things that seem trivial now but were hilarious then. And when things didn't change and people didn't change. And I was stuck up because I liked being stuck up. And guys were there, but not ruining out lives. And I hardly cried. And when people complained, they complained about not having something to wear, not about having no friends, or no money, or no jobs. And when I drove everywhere and hated on everyone for not giving me gas money. And when everyone drove my car becasue I was too drunk. And there were still things to do with a 12 oclock curfew. And I was skinnier!!! With random parties at random houses with oral and boners and illegal hot tub use. Smoking weed using tiolet paper wrappers and tampon wrappers. And waiting for my car to hit 100,000 miles and missing it. Skipping school was fun and we ate wendys all the time and didnt gain a pound. Yah, thats my christmas wish. I want to have actual, immature fun again without worrying about the consequences.
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September 26th, 2005
11:43 pm
Invalid video URL.
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September 25th, 2005
11:18 pm
Omg, my foots asleep. It is passed the fuck out.
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